Things that I like to, but probably shouldn't, explain at parties- Also, why I'm single, Also, why I think I'm hilarious

-I compete with my sister on who has a louder burp

-I want to date Lady Gaga, but she doesn't want men to steal her creativity by invading her vagina (many people think hers was purchased after-market)

-No matter what I say or do at work, my coworkers mostly think I'm gay (see bullet 2)

-It doesn't bother me that people think I'm gay, I think it's funny how uncomfortable they become around me because of general homophobia

-If I had unlimited money and drug dealers weren't so fucking sketchy, I'd smoke weed and write everyday.

-I love to write but I fucking suck at it and it's not worth reading

-When you start smelling my farts, I likely have to take a shit, you likely don't stand near me anymore

-When I shit real hard, I sweat through my jeans

-More generally, I sweat copious amounts of fluid, particularly from my butt

-One of my nipples is larger than the other by a visible amount. I had surgery in high school to remove excess tissue from the region, but it's coming back

-I am sexually frustrated

-I would rather play Starcraft 2 than ever go out to a club. EVER. Every time I go, I hate the night and everyone experiencing it with me

-I suck my thumb, and have since I was a kid, but only when I'm rubbing a silky fabric of some sort, mostly shirt tags

-I'll probably be in undergrad for 6.5 - 7 years. That's right. Some people encounter some difficulties and stay an extra year. I'll be staying an extra 3

-I think vegetarians are collectively the stupidest group on the planet

-I follow competitive Pokemon and Starcraft 2

-My attention to emotions is like that of a girl

-I find the notion that everyone is special is retarded, and that people are unimportant in general, or more descriptively, far more self-important than they are actually important

-If I could only experience the work of just one artist for the rest of my life, that artist would be Tom Waits