A fresh breath of rain

Last night, I had a nighttime drive from Salisbury to my home in Damascus. There was a small rift in the space-time continuum between the two locations in my life, but before writing on how astrophysical anomalies tend to follow and pester me on a bi-annual basis, I just wanted to talk about the unique properties of this particular road trip.

My brother has been going through a lot of changes lately, and I might have let my own little obstacles and situations obscure what I feel is important to life. He recently finished a graduate program in physical therapy, where he became a DPT in 3 full years, fall-winter-spring-and-summer included. He has been with his girlfriend for over a year, who has become as much a part of my family as anyone whose blood I share. He doesn't have a semester of school to attend for the rest of his life, he is going to have a salary, paid vacations, and is saving up to buy his own place.

Even up till last night, I was just playing Nintendo with Scott. I have to remember to call him Doc from time to time.

See, I thought this part of our lives was offset by 4 years or so, given that I'm still an undergrad, but I'm learning hard and fast what being an adult looks and sounds like, and though I have my own situations to deal with, I don't quite know what it feels like.

We talked for those hours, and though the contents of which are largely confidential, I will say it's unfathomable to me to be making a decision about where to live, or what kind of job you want, or how often you plan on seeing your parents, and what it means to be able to relax for a weekend. See, my whole life is still set out for me. My bed is in the same place it's been since I was old enough to go to school, my Dad makes my lunch everyday, and I'm still as confused as to where I should be or what I want to do if I'm supposed to be growing up.

Scott has found something though, a kind of peace and contentment to accept what's going to happen next, all the while putting his energy to make the best of everything that comes around. He has an assertive, calculated way of doing things. He makes lists, lets his emotions sink in and settle, sacrifices for others without thinking twice, spends earnest time listening to you, plays awesome Halo when nobody's watching, and acts with respect for his own needs without disrespecting the opinions of others. The most difficult-to-interpret aspect of these qualities though, is that he doesn't think about any of it, he just does it.

It is said in the field of artificial intelligence that a good heuristic allows you to skip testing the possible solutions that you know won't work ahead of time. There is something in his brain that allows him to subconsciously filter and wade through the bullshit in this one-shot life we lead. I don't know if I have it, I don't know if I can learn it, but I know that I can choose to be more energized, I can choose to be more passionate, I can choose to be more respectful, and I can accept the consequences for the choices I've already made.

I have a lot on my plate, but the human being is so much more capable than we often allow it to perform. I'm so lucky I'm able to do everything that I am now, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Thing is, I have to temper that excitement by learning now what won't wait till the last week before exams.

And at the end of the car ride, we went inside rejuvenated from the weekend, talked to our parents about football and new fall TV shows, and I cleaned my room up before settling in for my next week in the continuing saga...