Not Paying Attention in English Class, and Homework Assignments

So I'm a pretty busy dood. I work 40 hours a week while taking 13 credits. I have to use my time very efficiently to be able to squeeze out all the assignments, readings, studying, and papers to keep my grades high enough to stay in school (stop blogging, no really stop blogging, seriously, Stop Blogging, MIKE STOP BLOGGING), and the last thing I want to do is be required to read an 871 page novel written in the late 18th century.

Seriously, what do I do if I don't like it? It's 871 pages, and not wimpy Harry Potter shit. It's 871 real, dense pages full of topical references nobody understands, as a reaction to an event I've never heard of, and doesn't fit into the mold of anything I can make sense of. I spend about 30 minutes trying to read through it before just fucking quitting. I can't get into it, don't want to get into it, and have enough other stuff to do and enough excuses to just put my elegant middle finger up.

What do I do if I don't like an 871 page novel I've just cracked open? I STOP READING IT. I DON'T BUY IT. If it isn't worth my time and money, I fuck it and move on to the next big thing. Seriously, do we need all 871 pages to fill up a few lectures worth of worn out observations and dumb tidbits? Is there something important there, a diamond in the muck that we can pluck out and use to enhance our understanding of that author and that world and then move on. I don't marry girls if I'm interested in them, I talk to them and date them to grasp the essentials before making a commitment decision. Fuck, guys, I'm dying here, and class hasn't even started yet.

The professor talks about every event in the book even if you haven't read it. He plucks quotes and events straight from the book before teaching us what we need to learn from it. I take 2-3 bathroom breaks in the 75 minute lecture every single Tuesday and Thursday, without fail, so that I don't fall asleep. Sometimes, I just do it anyways.

As a reader and a writer and hopefully a scholar someday, I know how important it is to understand where things came from, how things evolved and how they're evolving today. I get it. The English has a long, rich tradition of writers from all backgrounds making profound contributions to the body of literature available to people everywhere. There has just GOT to be a better way to survey literature, be it through time period, author, region, what have you. And a lot of times, there are no shortcuts around reading long-ass work. But rather than keep complaining about the way things are, I'm gonna design a quick scenario, a lesson plan if you will, to more interestingly incorporate the learning traits of students while respecting their opinions and backgrounds at the same time:

"Next week we're focusing on author Samuel Samuelson. I have a list here of 10 books, 25 poetry collections, and 15 essays he wrote. Your assignment for the weekend is to read 3 poems, 3 chapters in a book, and 1 essay. Check in on Wikipedia or some other kind of author profile site on the web to get an idea of his history and life, and then write a two-pager about why you think he wrote what he wrote when he wrote it, cross-referencing evidence between his life and the work at hand. You'll turn this in on Tuesday, and in class we will discuss as a group what you think he might be like as a person, and what personal traits came out in the work you reviewed, again with support. Each person should be ready to finish this sentence: If I went to have a beer with Samuel Samuelson, I would ask him..."

There. You've incorporated your research practice, requiring citing between sources. You're getting a grander overall perspective from the author. You are synthesizing information from multiple sources to form an opinion based on your own perspectives. You can read from a choice, rather than having to read the same thing. Everyone will have different opinions based on different readings. You can share information between people, each person becoming a mini-expert, sharing their knowledge with other people who can likewise exchange knowledge. You're fostering social interaction, shared research, group work, and imaginative reading approaches. It brings life to an otherwise dead topic. And believe me, literature is the words on the page. It's dead unless you bring it to life in interesting ways.